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 Post Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:22 pm 

Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:54 pm
Posts: 3
Hello. I'm Lilith. Thank you so much for adding me to your forum! I have read a great deal of what is on here and it has been very helpful to me. ^-^

As far as alien abduction goes, that starts in Sun River, Montana, where my dad lived with his parents and 6 siblings in a tiny farm in the middle of nowhere. There started to be cattle mutilations, abduction stories and the like, when the city sheriff came to my grandparents and confided in them that he had been abducted himself.

At this same time, my grandma was experiencing strange phenomena which led her (and my dad) to suspect she had been abducted, too. One of these was when she was driving down an empty stretch of highway. Something flew over her car and set the electricity haywire. She pulled over at a gas station along with another guy and he said he had felt something fly over as well; his hair was 'standing on end.' I wonder if she had some lost time, there. I don't know what else happened to her but I definitely got the impression that that was just the tip of the iceberg... and I suspect memory wiping.

The farm itself was very haunted. My uncle K saw a tall, inhuman 'man' walking across the field outside one day, a book was thrown off a shelf at my dad's head, someone told my uncle L to come into the closet with them during a game of 'sharks and minnows,' which was just a game of hide and seek with lots of people... long story short everyone was found and no one was in the closet with L (at least, no one visible)

I know very little of this myself... my dad is the only living person I could ask (I don't know his brothers very well) and it is a scary and emotional subject for him. It is because much of what we have experienced is very dark. I know that, among other things in my dad's family, there was a bit of incest at some time. This has only been hinted at by my mom; apparently C tried to seduce my dad and L had him touch him inappropriately, among other things. I add this only because incest does tend to be part of 'dark magic' hot spots, from what I have read? My dad says that 'demonic' stuff started at age 11 for him

Basically, the farm has a very Otherworldly, weird vibe and far more weird things happened than I know of... and it affected the people there strongly. My dad's whole family has a very weird, alien vibe, though it definitely manifests in him and his brother B most of all. It might be worth noting that most of my dad's siblings (and my dad) are narcissists.
Now, onto my own experiences. Starting around age 2-3, I would hear a melodic whirring above me, through the ceiling, upon going to sleep. It made me very sleepy... it sounded like rolling flutes. I remember wondering once whether other people could hear the 'nighttime music.'

I also had a terror of skeletons. I was not a fearful child, so this was weird for me, especially since it had no explanation. When we came upon a skeleton exhibit at the museum once (or even one at an aquarium), I had a strong panic reaction and began to cry. Recently I read a description of a Grey that listed it as quite bony and skeletal; and I wonder if Grey visitation is why?

I remember around that same time (age 2-3), floating above my bed and then being rudely dropped to the floor (physical body and all). The impact was quite hard and painful and scared/hurt me. Around this same time, I woke up one night to hear something whispering at me, bidding me hurt my little brother J. Terrified, I woke him up and asked if he could hear it; he said he could, and I told him I would not hurt him, and we both huddled under a blanket fearfully.

At age 10, I woke up a couple of times to an 'earthquake' when there was none, meaning the bed was shaking and vibrating. In fact, a few members of my family have said this at the same time and it's been confusing. Once the vibrations were strong enough to set my music box (which was on the bed with me at the time) bouncing, and the next day I gave the music box away to my friend because it was 'haunted,' haha.

One night around this time, I saw a blazing 'lion face' above me when I was in bed at night. It woke me up. It was terrifying; it was too bright and ferocious to behold, and I was paralyzed; I have no memory after that point (since then I had regarded it as a hallucination, but I don't hallucinate, so....).

This is when nights became a terror for me. I have no memory of what it was that was bothering me, but I know I was tormented nightly. Sleep paralysis was a constant fear of mine, since it happened to me so often, and I felt dark presences in the room with me all of the time. Once, something laughed maliciously and crystal-clearly at me from my parents' closet; the funny thing is, I had been afraid of something just such as this happening since I had 'thought of them' that day. Eh? I fled the room, and once I reached the stairs I tried to regain my composure, but I know that I was so afraid that my legs went limp and I was basically crawling down them at high speeds. My dad was completely unreceptive initially, picking me up and stuffing my face into the closet to prove nothing was there (he was abusive). Once my mom talked him into letting me speak, I told him what I had heard and he and my mom looked at each other meaningfully. He said, 'They're bothering her, too' [I got the impression he meant as well as himself, that this had been something he dealt with himself]. He seemed very dark and knowing. He told me that they were demons.

By this point, I could no longer sleep with my light off, and I had to have the door cracked open so I could 'escape if I needed to.' Whenever I could, as soon as that paralysis feeling came over me like an electric jolt, I would flee the room. Often I could not and I don't have any recollection of what happened afterwards.

I became a deeply troubled child, in some ways. I told my little friend D (also 10) that it felt as if I was being dragged down to hell. (Obviously this scared her into crying; I was very bleak about it myself).

Night, which had once been a time for me to go on astral travel adventures and 'live another life,' talk to friends, fly, became one of my greatest fears. So did the supernatural. If someone so much as mentioned anything about ghosts, monsters or the like, I would become severely triggered, plugging my ears and rocking back and forth for a long time until the fear went away.
I should add, I was a really brave kid outside of this; I had a 'gift for happiness,' and people told my parents that I glowed. I was HAPPY and HYPER and confident and fierce. Nothing could break me. I was an Energy Sun.

So the fact that this dark place was starting to suck me in and fill me up with so much fear... it was very strange and disturbing.

I meditated a lot as a child naturally, I would just sit down and think of it and, ta-da, meditative state. When I was 10 and in school, I went up to a hill under a tree and claimed I was communicating with 'my parents in the sky,' though my memory of what was said (if anything) is blank. I spent hours and hours of my childhood just meditating and staring into the sky... though oftentimes it was just for the meditative aspect rather than communication (from what I recall)
Fast forward to age 12/13, up til then I had still managed to be full of cheer and spirit a great deal of the time despite chronic physical and emotional abuse from my father during the day and unknown fear during the night....

And then it got worse all of a sudden. I started having this terrible nightmare, which became a recurring dream thereafter:
I went to sleep, as usual, with the lights on. I had bad insomnia pretty much always by this time, so it took me a little to drop off.
Next, I 'wake up' to my bedroom just as it was when I went to sleep. I feel weird, like I am dreaming, or in a sort of a trance, but that's not what I am thinking about. For some reason I feel compelled to look outside. I know I don't want to see what is there, vaguely, but I find myself right up to the back door of my room. It has a window to outside and I am right up close to it. I look out. It is pitch black, dead of the night. There is a sense of holding my breath, of a hidden dread, when a face appears. First the eyes... large and slanting, dark with blue in the center? I truly can't remember. For whatever reason I thought it looked like a wolf... but I can't picture it quite right and I know it is a screen image. The skin is shadowed but seems pale. At first I am transfixed and stare; then it starts moving toward me and with a jolt I snap out of it and RUN for the door to the rest of the house. I feel it come through the glass and it grabs me. This is where my memory disappears. My dream-mind filled it in with being consumed by a wolf... it rips out my spine and my heart and causes me great agony.

I wake up in the morning, drenched in sweat and scared to death, and that's when I decided to stop sleeping. But I was so exhausted at this time (for no apparent reason) that I couldn't help but fall asleep each night, eventually. And the same experience would occur all over again. This went on for a month, I think even two months. I woke up with bruising and scratches frequently, and on one occasion the door to outside was open when I woke up. I also had a few 'flying dreams,' one of which involved lowering me at rapid speed back into the roof of my house, into my bed. I remember the leaves whipping past me, the morning all around me, and then suddenly I was popping up in bed, in a mad panic. I turned the lights on and scanned the room, hyperventilating. I was convinced someone was in there, or coming, or something... it took a while for me to calm myself.

I don't remember this nearly as clearly, luckily, but I had a lot of sexual dreams at this time as well, and they had a very yucky feeling.

I became a ghost. Lost the desire to eat, was weak and skinny and filled with tremors. I felt my life was a nightmare I knew nothing of. I felt more abused than my dad had ever done to me. This is when I developed hardcore disassociation; I was 'spaced out,' all of the time. Passive. Barely living. In this weakened state, a pressure began to be applied to me.... I wrote of it in a poem, speaking of something trying to escape or claw its way out of me (or into me? That didn't occur to me as a kid but it does now and I wonder). My only comfort were books and nature (the later being a great romance of mine)

Despite this, I still had many beautiful and visionary dreams... they were just far outweighed by the rest of what was going on (what was going on?). I felt angelic presences during the day and demonic ones during the night; it was baffling.

The next house we moved into, I don't remember what I even did with my life. I was always in my bedroom, just rocking back and forth in a traumatized fashion. If I tried to leave the house or do anything, a panic attack would overtake me. I literally have next to no recollection of this part of my life; but that is a theme throughout my entire life. I remember chopped up bits and pieces.

This continued, at times I felt a bit better and more myself but overall I was gone.

I dropped out of high school. Left home 3 days after my birthday, to get away from my dad who was less abusive but still very abusive. His rage was unmatched by any I'd met other than myself, but mine I did not unleash on people around me for no reason :P His energy was a dark cloud and while it weakened those around him and bent them to his will, it only made me more defiant... how dare he treat us like this?

I'm happy to say I never did actually submit to him, I would always challenge him again no matter how bad the punishment was. When he was angry, though, sometimes his face would contort and I wouldn't want to look at him because it scared me. But he would always say, 'LOOK IN MY EYES. LOOK IN MY EYES' until I had to... it was awful. Definitely a form of psychic abuse on top of the actual physical harm (he once held me against the wall by my throat, threw me down the stairs, smashed me into the wall with a table, etc... usually it was not that intense, just hitting/yelling, but these things did happen). I have a strong feeling that my dad was used to weaken me, and I think it was even against his will, honestly. There was always such a sense of him being under control somehow, and I, being an empath, could sense his pain and fear beneath the rage that wounded me so. The same pain and fear that hounds me daily, too

It broke my heart. I could tell something bad was going on to all of us but I had no idea what or how to protect us. Everything I did was wrong, and I myself developed rage problems similar to my father's. He said I got it from his 'berserker' genetics, as my family line goes back to Norse/Danish Vikings on his side.
That being said, my dad and I share traits my grandma had... super strength, fast reflexes, clairvoyance, and a fierceness of nature/temper, as well as lots and lots of energy. My grandma managed to keep hers from being stolen entirely somehow; I would say my dad and I are operating at about 15% ourselves. Just being alive, having a conscious presence in our bodies, is an immense effort of will....

And just last year I went and saw a trusted friend of my mother's and psychic, and I asked for help accessing past life memories.... she told me she could not describe them to me, that more of them were of worlds other than Earth... that my spirit was, somehow, alien. She told me she had never met anyone like me before and was intensely curious. Later, during a healing session, she told me that going into me and working on me energetically was crazy, because my DNA was very alien. (this is probably too weird, but I've always referred to people as 'humans' and never referred to myself as such.... I've no idea what this could mean, honestly, if anything. It seems clear that I am a hybrid of sorts, but it seems to go somehow into the spirit also... my spirit is not compatible with my body)

I was told by my own mother, who is a psychic herself, that there are two men with me at all times. They think they are helping me but they are draining me. She said that I was very ill, and that each day, for me, was like trying to walk through quicksands. My mom described one of the men as being gargoyle in appearance; something that struck me immediately, because I myself had dreamed of BEING a gargoyle lady. She verified that they were of a species similar to mine now/mine in the past (the line was unclear). Upon further research, I found the reptilians and the oppression symptoms, even the hybrid symptoms, do apply to me in a lot of ways... along with the things I have been told I've come to think reptilians have a strong presence in our family, which does in fact date back to King Charlemagne.

I also already knew that there were men around me at all times. My whole life I have felt as if I were under a sort of surveilance; in childish paranoia, I would always dump a cup of water I had left sitting out and get a new one in case it were 'poisoned' or 'drugged.' I also believed that invisible men were watching me. I don't know if the cup thing means anything because obviously they don't have to resort to drugging since they can just beam you away... no idea, there.

Along with all of this, at 12 when the dreams were going on and everything, I had a problem with wanting to go walking at nighttime. My parents had told me not to, but for some reason night always lured me outside... the sleeplessness made me restless. I remember what I did a couple of times; once, there were neighbors next door that I was teasing by climbing up a tree in the shadows, back down, leaping around, near-silently, but they could tell I was there. I was making them pretty uncomfortable and I'm not really sure why I was doing it; it was just fun! And my reflexes and stealth were really good back then, I liked to play with them. Mischief has always been a favored thing of mine. Hehe. Another time I went to sit in a pine tree and cry because I felt so sad and lonely (no idea why... a deep sense of homesickness permeates my existence). I don't remember going back inside. Other than that, I have literally zero memory of what I would do outside at nighttime; only that I would go out there frequently. I find that rather strange, all things considered :o Lured out for more abductions? Seems likely

And, speaking of luring, at age 15, I was awoken by a tapping at my window. I looked out and could not see what it was, but it seemed to be coming from above. Curious, and with a surreal sort of feeling (it was perhaps 3am at this time), I went outside to see. An owl was perched on top of the roof, staring at me. It was a barn owl. It was watching me so closely, I felt a bit awkward and said, 'Um, hi?' and it circled the house three times and then flew away.
There was a time, barely remembered now, at 20 when I would go into a panic attack every night. The closer dark got the more agitated I would become, until I was weeping with terror. I refused to sleep and would become angry at my at-that-time partner if he tried to sleep. I was waking up with bruises on my arms again, on my legs, and side hurt all of the time. I had next to no energy; even standing for a prolonged period of time made me feel like fainting. This is when I became severely agoraphobic. I would startle and run at so much as a doorbell-ring. After a couple of weeks of this in such intensity, I became suicidal and went to the doctor's. They put me on medication which helped stabilize me a little, and luckily whatever was happening did stop on its own for awhile

Age 21, things were probably at their worst, in some ways at least.... I was having sex and outright rape dreams, weird perverted/violent thoughts that were not part of my nature and never had been before during the day, I was full of rage and agitation that had no relief and I wanted to destroy myself. So after some months of this I tried to kill myself, having no idea how to make any of it stop (I tried different medication, no luck), and ended up in the ER and then a behavioral center, where things ceased for a time (that I can tell). After leaving there, things continued in such a vein as before... only I felt slightly mentally freer even if physically I was weak as ever
They came to a head in the basement of my now-husband's house, late last year (2016) and early this one

My sleep was disturbed nearly every night. I had violent dreams: dreams of body parts on telephone poles, going up escalators... desolated landscapes of death and carnage. And rape dreams. One of which I woke from only to (this is TMI, stop reading if you are going to be grossed out please) have a lot of liquid rush down my leg. I remember that this seriously distressed me, but I forgot about it almost instantly. Then I started bleeding from my urethra. Nonstop, for 4 months, and I went to the doctor once a month between antibiotic cycles/whatever else, only to hear they still did not know what was wrong with me. There was no bacteria coming back in tests. I was in great abdominal pain all of the time, sometimes I would also be bleeding from my anus and vagina at the same time (briefly, had this continued at the same time I would have gone to the doctor about that as well).

And I exaggerate none of this: every day, I would wake up panicking. I would go into these 'episodes,' where I would be flinching and kicking and saying, 'no, no, no, no, no, no, no' and, 'there's nothing, there's no one, there's nothing, there's no one.' One time I was jerking my head back and forth, choking and coughing and feeling the memory of something being forced into my mouth and throat. At this point I would start vomiting violently. All day long I felt myself being drained, cold chills would leave me shuddering, I could barely walk up the stairs. I felt malicious presences around me like a red-hot force-field, so intense was the ill-will toward my Self. During the episodes I would cry as I have never cried in my life before, reliving awful things that I have no memory of. At times I would get disturbed and yell, and try to get my husband to leave me alone in the room (why?!) even though I knew it was important he be there for my own protection (how did I know this?). So I would make things even worse for myself, against my own will. And it was all just happening to me, I had no idea what was going on, I was shaking like a leaf, drenched in stinky fear-sweats.... I ended up in a hospital twice for episodes just such as this.

I was diagnosed with debilitating PTSD. I can tell you, I have been raped, I have been attacked, and I have had PTSD episodes about these things already (though I never knew what to call them til last year being diagnosed with PTSD), but these other episodes put those to shame. I have literally wept for my 'mommy.'

I have seized so badly that I've smashed into things, oftentimes injuring myself, without even noticing. Once when my husband had been driven from the room, and when he had barely come back in (the abandonment had already caused me to get even worse and disassociate hardcore), something HIT me, and I fell over onto my back and started actually having a seizure; I felt this awful cold fire trying to force its way into my throat, my whole body was rejecting it and my husband said it looked as if something was trying to possess me; my legs kept bowing out and I kept arching my back really hard upwardly, my eyes were rolling into the back of my head; I felt weak as a kitten, tossed about like nothing. I managed to yell 'C, HELP' as I initially fell, before I lost control entirely, and he grabbed me and was holding me down and energetically shielding me as best he could... and it passed, luckily. He checked my eyes and saw nothing else in me. I felt nothing else in me.

I feel compelled to add that writing about this has become very difficult... I did not make whatever was trying to possess me happy and it is still very much in existence

One morning I woke up with three marks on the back on my neck. I didn't notice them until I scratched there; it was pretty itchy. My finger came away with blood, so I asked C to take a look and he found three marks, largest to smallest, which appear to be burns of some sort (I thought rug burns, since that's all I'd seen like it before, but it was definitely flakier and less deep than those would be; I'm now thinking chemical burns?) He took a picture so I could see, and then we forgot about it (typical mind control stuff, eh) until recently when I was reading about marks
Luckily he still had the picture. I consider this a great stroke of luck. I am having trouble figuring out how pictures work on here, tho

So. All of it did eventually stop. Months ago now, I think the last occurrence was in May? That I remember.... I still have disturbing dreams and wake up sick and so anxious amd miserable and confused, there just haven't been any bruises and bleeding and I've been much less upset overall... but I don't know how long that will last. Am I better protecting myself, or is it just one of the lulls, as there has been before?

I don't think it is the former, unfortunately, because this is what my day to day life entails... this is not the life of a free or protected person. I feel I am being watched, at all times; it is an uncomfortable pressure. I feel I have no privacy, and never have had any privacy. There is a heavy weight on my left side at all times, it increases in pressure until it feels like a vice grip whenever I try to do something that I am not 'supposed' to. It can become very piercing, like a finger with a long fingernail being pushed deep into my flesh, to a very tender place.

I actually had this happen once when I was trying very hard to remember something alien/MILAB-related... I was on the verge of remembering when it got so bad I thought I might be having a heart attack and went to the hospital, where nothing was wrong with me (the pain also stopped almost immediately upon arriving. What the hell?). It had been so bad that I had fallen to my knees and my mom had to drive me.

I feel myself being drained every single day. It gives me terrible cold chills. As I said, I feel I've but a fraction of energy left to me, and that just to function or perhaps it is just what I can wrestle away.... My mind is assaulted with pornographic images, and they cause me such distress that at times I have wished to kill myself just so they would stop. I hate porn, it is one of my biggest triggers... anything sexually threatening triggers me more than literally anything else. Even the way women are shown in movies, displayed like Christmas roasts, triggers me. It is so degrading. It makes it a very difficult existence, since women are shown like this literally everywhere and men are just asking for more :/ no one seems to care to protect the gentler sex, rather to USE them for pleasure. It makes me feel like screaming. Does no one see how wrong the world is? 'Everybody else does ____' NEVER makes ANYTHING okay. It makes it worse, in fact, because so much harm is already being done.

I do feel like I've been raped and molested, and have since a very young age.... and I was only 'really' raped last year. All growing up I wanted nothing to do with sex, it was deeply threatening to me and filled me with a sense of disgust.... obviously I got past that eventually, but it took a lot of positive reinforcement. I have intense, violent reactions to these sorts of things... my husband says he has never met someone more disturbed and he would fully believe that I had been tortured; I simply act like it. And I have never been able to watch torture scenes in movies, they upset me on some personal level I can't explain. You know what else is weird? I've wondered before how I would handle being tortured, and had the thought, 'I know what I'd do, I'd just pop out of my body so I wouldn't have to feel it' as if I had some secret way. Sounds like they teach you to do this intentionally so they can 'splinter the splinters,' right? :/ Creepy

I am never calm. I bite the inside of my mouth to shreds, my nails to the quick, and rock back and forth constantly when I am alone. I feel memories pressing in on me; I want them, even as I fear them, because I want to understand and I want to be FREE. But the closer they get the more upset I become until I'm not coherent anymore

Day to day, my every action is chosen for me. If I try to do something, even something as simple as hike, that will make me feel better, I am HIT with fear. It's like a physical reaction. Fear, discomfort, this horrible twisting feeling that has me in a ball or at its worst writhing around on the floor.... For the longest time I have let this control me. The force exerted upon me is like two powerful magnets with the wrong sides facing each other.... I am one of the magnets, and stationary, and the other is just slammed toward me seemingly randomly (but I am certain with purpose). That's what it feels like. It shakes my whole being. I have come to regard it as a form of torture. Sometimes it intensifies to the point where all I can do is hold my head and try not to scream, it feels like drilling, like nails on a chalkboard, it is such an awful feeling and when it gets bad enough I want to die to make it stop

I feel like I am being mind-controlled, and I don't know what to do. When I was reading about alien stuff, the fear feeling was in me, the one to make me stop doing something, but I kept going and eventually reached MILABS, too. And suddenly I felt like shutting the computer window. Going to pee. Or to sleep. Something. What the hell?! I kept reading. It became more and more difficult, to the point of an intense headache and I had to use all my will and focus to continue. I was literally 2 inches from the screen and squinting because the information felt so important and I was not going to let it get away from me

Yesterday, I did extra research and was particularly defiant that way, and I kept my energetic shield very strong and managed to decrease the feeling a fair bit... I even gave the invisible presences some real lip. But the moment my mental composure slipped, the vice-like grip I had been holding off slightly became piercing. Clenching. And I felt very strongly that I was 'in trouble,' that I had done something wrongly. It took me about two hours to recover from this

Intrusive, triggering thoughts are aimed at me to keep me mentally weak, a vast amount of will and energetic force is being applied to keep my third eye blocked (or so I have surmised, since I have LOST my third eye abilities finally... where they used to be so strong that I once healed a dying mouse with my bare hands).

I am their prisoner in every way that matters. My efforts to fight back with will are punished and weaken me further. I do not know what to do. But I am determined to keep fighting and never to submit no matter what the case may be.

I just don't understand how this is happening to me. I have such strong will/spirit/animae, whatever you want to call it, I think if I could put it into PSi abilities, I could create a sonic boom of energy toward whatever is doing this to me. I used to be the polar opposite of what I am now. I have been stolen from myself and my spirit has been wounded more deeply than I think even I know.

I have some memories... virtual reality scenarios are what they do, right? In one, a wormhole had appeared in the middle of a dream and was trying to suck all of my loved ones into it.... I remember, vaguely, black helicopters in the sky around me, but I was not paying attention to them; the scene was wholly enthralling. And the fear so familiar. Suddenly, my own spirit got a say and I felt this burst of righteous rage... I was literally shaking with anger, feeling all of this golden power build up in me like a bonfire, and I took my hand, placed it around the wormhole (from a distance, somehow) and, agonizingly slowly but irresistibly, I clamped it shut; it released a sonic boom and was gone
I was so jubilant about this, and outright smug, that I took to the sky and started flying around.... all was blue and clouds. I had done well, whether it was me who thought that for defying my captors or if all of this was an intentional strength exercise, I do not know. Maybe it was just a dream entirely.

I have written a novel... perhaps no one will reply now. I apologize. But there is so much to say and I keep forgetting things... and it is so hard to put it into words... that I felt the need to release all of it in a flood before it is too late

So.... has anyone experienced anything like any of this? Does anyone have any advice? I know that if I can get some sort of handhold, if I can break out of this, I will remember the past life memories I used to have, the positive ET experiences (I have a deep childlike fondness for aliens, a kinship, as well as a fear and distrust; I believe I've had contact with different kinds for different purposes), I will have my physical stamina back and my own mind and energy to put to my own ends and purposes (creating a beautiful life/seeking retribution). But they want me to believe there is nothing to remember, that I am crazy and pulling hairs and making mountains out of molehills. But no, my brain is chock-full of wiped memories, I can feel it :/

 Post Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:27 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:12 pm
Posts: 3
Hi Lilith for one so sorry to hear about what you are going through and what you had to go through. A big heartfelt hug from across the Atlantic Ocean.(Danish)
I have had some similar experiences with entities and abduction when it comes to mind control.
Though I have been fortunate to live and grow up in a very loving and caring environment that would not suspect you to get into any kind of trouble. But I had serious anger issues in some periods of my life. Especially as a child. A behavior the doc said was normally seen in a traumatized child. Only where was the trauma. IN my human life or with my parents no upsetting hickups at all. Not one. I can not remember any other thing but a very caring and loving environment that made space for creativity and abilities.
But the hidden life was the opposite. The dark twin so to speak. When I was 6 month old I was snatched by someone from my carriage in my parents closed garden and when later talking to my grandmother it seems weird experiences in this regard was not unusual.
I could go from peaceful to rage in a split second . A trade that also gave me the upper hand with the towns bully when he attempted to pic on me. (So not all bad)
I have seen several Ufos from my room out back to the back yard. My window turned that way. and from there the nightly nightmares also came. I often had this dream of being hunted by a big eyed turttle.(Know it sounds silly) that almost get me and when I wake up I can only remember big black eyes I am starring into .
I have had memories return to me of pregnancies and giving birth in a very alien environment to a weird looking baby. That looked like a cross between alien the movie and a human baby, then just to wake up and have a large amount of fluid coming out out of me. Similar to the amount that pours out when you give birth. The amniotic fluid. I have woken up with on my body. Scope marks and weird markings that I could not explain. Also have a tons of memories return to me that tell of dark eyed alien beings putting thoughts into ,y head with more or less success. Most of my life it has been a bit of a standof. They always had trouble controlling me. This I have realized just recently. It seems that I am in some way being studied because they can not keep the control over me . I seems to be hard to manipulate and they study that to see what makes me tic tac. Other beings have instead attempted to talk to me and teach me some things in stead. It it seems not just to be one type of being.

I cant recall all the situations now, but think you get the picture of what has been going on.

 Post Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:19 pm 
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Hi Lilith,
Wow. I just read your entire post thoroughly. I had already replied to your other two posts before I read this, so now I realize a lot more about your experience.

Okay, I am giving you my first gut reaction:

You are an awake, consciously aware, powerful being. The negative forces are doing everything they can to keep you down...right from the beginning, from your childhood. I am sorry it has been so difficult, but that is about to change.

The first thing you need to do is protect yourself and then take time to realize your own power. Once you do, you will not have any more problems from the low-level energies.

Please listen to the meditation I made for Grounding, Centering, and Shielding:

This meditation will help you learn how to get balanced by grounding and finding your center, and it will help you form your own protective energetic barrier. Obviously you have already been doing this somewhat, but practicing it as much as possible will help it become stronger and more effective.

Please read my book, Invitation to the Self, journey with the star people:

It may help you to read about some similar experiences that I had and how I dealt with them. If you need a free copy, I can send you the .pdf, just let me know.

For right now, stay away from the information about MILABS and the other things that are giving you bad vibes and nightmares...just for now, okay? First get yourself protected and feeling better about yourself. When you are standing on more solid ground, you can study and learn and then even go kick some ass if you like. But for now, focus on protection, healing, and getting to know your true inner self.

You have an inner feel it, right? I feel it. I know I have it, but I feel it in you too. You are breaking out of the mind control. You are in a good spot right now. Take it slow.

Obviously there is mind control going on here...hypnosis, subconscious programming, all that. You already know. But you are now at the point where you are breaking out of it. You can absolutely overcome this and YOU WILL.

Do whatever you can to be at peace, be happy, enjoy your life, even if it is just little things, simple things, focus on what is good and that will become a larger and larger part of your life.

When you are trying to take a hike and you feel the piercing pain coming on, try this: Totally relax, let everything go, lay down on the ground if it helps to relax, just go limp. Do not be afraid. Know that your inner self is stronger than any of this and your true self is protected in a safe place. You are only here on earth temporarily, but your true self is eternal. You are safe. Your KNOWING this, knowing and feeling your inner self, your true self, is so powerful. Fill your heart with LOVE and let everything else go. The pain will fall away from you. Let it go.

You will spring back from know you are powerful inside, and so do the bad guys. That is why they want you to be afraid, they want your energy for themselves. Refuse to give it to them.

Protect yourself. Know yourself. Take it step by step and you will gain control over all of this.

Please let me know if you would like a .pdf copy of the book.

Many Blessings, Bonnie

Hidden Knowledge Every Person Should Know: AWAKENVIDEO.ORG

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