Rolling in the deep;
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:12 pm
Hello all, haven't been on the forum lately...but there's been A LOT going on here. I've taken on quite the load actually. Hmm, where do I even begin? Well I guess firstly I will say that my parents are getting divorced. My step dad John, is the one who filed. He travels out of state for work and only gets to come home once every few months, and all of a sudden he just called up one day and told my mother he wanted to get a divorce. He has also cut off all communication with my mom, and all of my siblings. (I have five younger siblings...three are from my mom and my real dad, Chase is from my mom and John, and then there is Jocelyn who is just John's.) I'm not going to go into great detail...I just really need to unload. I've been feeling so bad lately. ;( Well anyways...like I said...this whole divorce thing just came out of the blue. But it's really taken a toll on my family. And me being the oldest...of course I'm trying to do everything I can do to help. But it all feels useless, I feel like a failure. John has been traveling for work for seven years, and over those years I guess we all just grew apart as a family. My real father has never been there for me, so John has always been like my father to me. He's been in my life since I was about six years old. (I'm 20 now.) And he has always told us that we were his 'real kids', and that he loved us more than anything...but if that were true, then why would he so suddenly file for a divorce and then cut off all communication with us? I feel so betrayed...I know my parents haven't been getting along for quite some time...but if he really loved us kids, then why would he do that to us? He is also refusing to let us see Jocelyn...his daugther. I can't even imagine what she is going through, her and Chase were devistated when they found out our parents were getting divorced. (They are the youngest...Joc is 11, and Chase is 10.) Well on top of that pile of crap, my Grandmother also passed away last month. Which I guess is the icing on the cake. Like I said, things have been just peachy keen around here. I feel like I am being greatly tested, but I wish very badly that it would all just go away. I was so happy a few months ago, and it seemed like everything was running smoothly. I had no worries. But all of a sudden it was like somebody just flipped a switch and things blew up. Everything I knew spiritually and mentally has been changed, and everything I thought my life stood for has changed. I will admit though, that as much as I hate what is happening I am still thankful for this lesson..and I'm not sure why just yet. I feel very disconected from my higherself and from the oneness and everything else. And I feel exhausted. I just want to get my life back on track. But I'm not sure how to start over. I've started on a completely new journey in life...it's almost like I'm getting to start over as a new person because there is no going back to my old life. This has all taken such a great toll on my spiritual growth...it's almost like I started shutting down. So my question is this: how can I remove myself from devistation, heartache, and anger...and continue to support the ones I love? And lastly but not leastly....how do I find myself again so that I am able to offer healing and guidence to the ones I love?
I'm sorry for unloading this big pile of crap here...not trying to ruin anybodys day ya know. I will admit it though...I just really need some support. Share your expeirences of growth with me...because once again...I am in need of growing.
Much love and light to you all.
Ashlie
I'm sorry for unloading this big pile of crap here...not trying to ruin anybodys day ya know. I will admit it though...I just really need some support. Share your expeirences of growth with me...because once again...I am in need of growing.
Much love and light to you all.
Ashlie