Childhood abduction w/drugged feeling
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 12:24 pm
I've been thinking about an experience I had as a very young child again. This one has always been frustrating for me because I haven't been able to remember much from it, and I very much want to know what went down this night. I'm hoping if I think about it a lot and write about it, new details will emerge. Not only that, I want to see if anyone else has had a similar occurrence with similar side-effects. Maybe we can compare notes. Here's what happened:
I was young, probably 5 or 6. It wasn't long after my parents divorce. After the divorce we moved into a trailer house on the other side of town. I don't remember much of that place or time. My mother told me it was during that time that I used to have nightmares of "the ant people." She chalked it up to stress over the divorce. We didn't live there long before we moved into the small, white, matchbox house on the lot next to us. I call this house the willow house because there was a small willow sapling that was the only tree in the small front yard. I don't remember much about living in that house either. Just a few bits and pieces of jumbled up memories. The following experience happened at this willow house.
I do want to take the time to emphasize that everything about the recollection of these events feels like the occurrence of a REAL event. It doesn't feel like a dream. In my gut I know they are real; they have the same flavor of reality although they are undoubtedly strange. But enough chatter. Here is the memory for better or for worse.
It was nighttime. Once again I was sharing a room with my eldest sister. But she never awakened during the whole experience. I remember waking up and suddenly feeling extremely nauseous. I remembered getting irritated because I hated having to throw up more than anything. I just remembered something more while writing this!!!! I remember someone standing next to me. I think they were trying to get me to sit up in bed. I also have a flash of seeing something at the foot of the bed. It was small and I see a glint of night light off it's skin. It may be one of those grey looking ones like I saw in the first experience I wrote about on this site. Why is it that I only begin to remember more details after I begin writing on this site?! I think I got up to go to the bathroom in case I needed to hurl. Next thing I remember I'm standing at the edge of the room, not far from the bathroom, and I smell this super-strong, horrible smell. It smells like sulfur or rotten eggs. (Remembering now: I think I experienced this smell and nausea a lot as a child. I think I smelled this smell and was sick a LOT at the trailer house as well. I just don't remember any specific events at that trailer house, except that I used to sleep walk there a lot. Maybe I did at the willow house, too. So fuzzy. I know I didn't sleep walk for long, just a short season of my young life.) Another wave of nausea comes over me, and I don't think I'm going to be able to contain it, but suddenly I find I can't move. I'm frozen just standing there halfway to the bathroom, completely paralyzed. The smell is still terribly strong. Suddenly, I see in my peripheral vision a small figure in the dark just to the right of me. It looks no taller than me (a 6 year old), but I can't turn my head to look at it, and it stays just at the edge of my vision where I can't get a good look at it. The way it stood there at my side just at my peripheral vision makes me think it is the same type of beings from my "Last Night" experience and the ones who used to stand on either side of me and grab my thumbs. They have the same dark, shadow appearance and same bulbous head. But this one was smaller. They may look dark and featureless to me because my mind is rubbing out their features in an attempt to protect me from the fear and terror they aroused in me. I'm terrified because I feel so sick, and I can't move to see this thing. It touches my right arm. I'm freaking out because I don't know what this is. I think it says something to me, but I can't remember what because after this the memory cuts out for me.
The next thing I remember, I'm in the living room. It's still dark. Everyone's still asleep. There's no lights on in the house. I'm sitting on the floor in front of the gas space heater. I'm still feeling a little nauseous but mostly disoriented. It's like I feel drugged. I can't emphasized enough how drugged and disoriented I felt. I can hardly keep my head up. The room is spinning. Again, I see this dark, small figure at the other end of the room just in my peripheral vision on my left this time. Even though the room is spinning, I'm still paralyzed and can't move my head to get a good view of who it is down at the end of the room; I still can't turn my head to see him. I hear it say in my head, "Stay here and play." Some of my toys were around me. Then I think it left. It may have stayed for a few minutes longer to watch me and make sure I played with the toys and concentrated on them, but it didn't stay much longer.
I remember feeling so loopy, seeing my hands on my toy horses and yet not recognizing them as my hands and feeling like my hands and the horses were miles away from me...typical drug trip, but I was six! It must have been early in the morning because the room started to get lighter as dawn was approaching. The more time passed the more lucid I became, and the effects of whatever I was under were wearing off. Then I can hear the alarms and my family waking up to get ready for school. I still could hardly move. I wanted to get up and go to my mother, but I didn't think I could stand. I could hear my mother go in my room and ask my sister where I was. I could hear them calling for me. My mother switched on the living room light looking for me and found me sitting by the heater. She said something to the effect of, "Goodness gracious, what are you doing up?!" I told her I thought I was sick. She crouched down and felt my forehead. I didn't have a fever. She thought I was faking it. She thought if I was really sick I wouldn't be up and playing (although I would like to stress that what I was doing was NOT playing. I just had my hands resting on my toys. I couldn't move. If I did, the whole room lurched!) So she told me to get up and get dressed for school. And she got up and went back to make sure the others were getting up and dressed. I still couldn't stand up. The room wasn't spinning anymore, but I was very weak and still somewhat in an altered state. I was so hot in front of that heater, but I couldn't move to get away from it. So I just continued to sit there with my hands on my toys, trying to get back to normal. I just tried focusing on them, how they felt in my hands, trying to make the room be still, assuring myself that those were my hands. A little bit later my mother came in with my clothes and scolded me for not getting dressed, "You are not getting out of school today!" And dumped my clothes and shoes in front of me and told me to get dressed. I tried to get dressed. I think I got my shirt on. But when my mother came back to check on me, I was trying to put on my shoes without putting on my pants first. She got really mad at me and thought I was stalling and doing things wrong on purpose because I didn't want to go to school. I remember her jerking me around and getting me dressed. That movement seemed to help me find my bearings again, and I was more lucid and able to stand.
By the time the bus came, I was pretty close to normal. I remember vividly sitting close to the front of the bus and thinking how strange it was that the world was so normal after what I had just gone through, and that I must pretend to be normal until I fell back into my "part". It's hard to explain, but it felt like my everyday self was a part I had to play. I was an actor but the type of actor that played their part so well that I could forget my real self and become the character I played. On the bus, it felt like I was truly awake and knew I was an actor, and that I must get back into character, forget everything, and saturate myself in my role again. I could feel my real self slipping away as I sank back into my 6 year old character. Not too far into the bus route, I was back to "normal" and the events of the night were fading like a dream.
My mother still remembers that morning. She still thinks I was faking it and trying to avoid school. I still haven't told her about what I experienced that night, and that I wasn't faking it, and that I was trying so hard to come back to the comfort of reality. I remember my sister looking at me with concern when we got on the bus. I was away from mommy and obviously not getting out of school since I was on the bus, the point of no return, so I should have gone back to normal if I was faking it. She could tell I wasn't faking. Even though she was passed out during the event, I think subconsciously she knew something had happened. She could tell I was different. My sister knows more on a deeper level than she knows consciously if that makes any sense. There's still a lot about that night I don't remember. I think it was an important night. Something really big happened. I remember the beginning and the end. I really wish I knew what happened in the middle.
If anyone else has had a similar experience, especially with the smell and illness, I'd love to hear it. I'd like to understand better what kind of procedure I was put through.
I was young, probably 5 or 6. It wasn't long after my parents divorce. After the divorce we moved into a trailer house on the other side of town. I don't remember much of that place or time. My mother told me it was during that time that I used to have nightmares of "the ant people." She chalked it up to stress over the divorce. We didn't live there long before we moved into the small, white, matchbox house on the lot next to us. I call this house the willow house because there was a small willow sapling that was the only tree in the small front yard. I don't remember much about living in that house either. Just a few bits and pieces of jumbled up memories. The following experience happened at this willow house.
I do want to take the time to emphasize that everything about the recollection of these events feels like the occurrence of a REAL event. It doesn't feel like a dream. In my gut I know they are real; they have the same flavor of reality although they are undoubtedly strange. But enough chatter. Here is the memory for better or for worse.
It was nighttime. Once again I was sharing a room with my eldest sister. But she never awakened during the whole experience. I remember waking up and suddenly feeling extremely nauseous. I remembered getting irritated because I hated having to throw up more than anything. I just remembered something more while writing this!!!! I remember someone standing next to me. I think they were trying to get me to sit up in bed. I also have a flash of seeing something at the foot of the bed. It was small and I see a glint of night light off it's skin. It may be one of those grey looking ones like I saw in the first experience I wrote about on this site. Why is it that I only begin to remember more details after I begin writing on this site?! I think I got up to go to the bathroom in case I needed to hurl. Next thing I remember I'm standing at the edge of the room, not far from the bathroom, and I smell this super-strong, horrible smell. It smells like sulfur or rotten eggs. (Remembering now: I think I experienced this smell and nausea a lot as a child. I think I smelled this smell and was sick a LOT at the trailer house as well. I just don't remember any specific events at that trailer house, except that I used to sleep walk there a lot. Maybe I did at the willow house, too. So fuzzy. I know I didn't sleep walk for long, just a short season of my young life.) Another wave of nausea comes over me, and I don't think I'm going to be able to contain it, but suddenly I find I can't move. I'm frozen just standing there halfway to the bathroom, completely paralyzed. The smell is still terribly strong. Suddenly, I see in my peripheral vision a small figure in the dark just to the right of me. It looks no taller than me (a 6 year old), but I can't turn my head to look at it, and it stays just at the edge of my vision where I can't get a good look at it. The way it stood there at my side just at my peripheral vision makes me think it is the same type of beings from my "Last Night" experience and the ones who used to stand on either side of me and grab my thumbs. They have the same dark, shadow appearance and same bulbous head. But this one was smaller. They may look dark and featureless to me because my mind is rubbing out their features in an attempt to protect me from the fear and terror they aroused in me. I'm terrified because I feel so sick, and I can't move to see this thing. It touches my right arm. I'm freaking out because I don't know what this is. I think it says something to me, but I can't remember what because after this the memory cuts out for me.
The next thing I remember, I'm in the living room. It's still dark. Everyone's still asleep. There's no lights on in the house. I'm sitting on the floor in front of the gas space heater. I'm still feeling a little nauseous but mostly disoriented. It's like I feel drugged. I can't emphasized enough how drugged and disoriented I felt. I can hardly keep my head up. The room is spinning. Again, I see this dark, small figure at the other end of the room just in my peripheral vision on my left this time. Even though the room is spinning, I'm still paralyzed and can't move my head to get a good view of who it is down at the end of the room; I still can't turn my head to see him. I hear it say in my head, "Stay here and play." Some of my toys were around me. Then I think it left. It may have stayed for a few minutes longer to watch me and make sure I played with the toys and concentrated on them, but it didn't stay much longer.
I remember feeling so loopy, seeing my hands on my toy horses and yet not recognizing them as my hands and feeling like my hands and the horses were miles away from me...typical drug trip, but I was six! It must have been early in the morning because the room started to get lighter as dawn was approaching. The more time passed the more lucid I became, and the effects of whatever I was under were wearing off. Then I can hear the alarms and my family waking up to get ready for school. I still could hardly move. I wanted to get up and go to my mother, but I didn't think I could stand. I could hear my mother go in my room and ask my sister where I was. I could hear them calling for me. My mother switched on the living room light looking for me and found me sitting by the heater. She said something to the effect of, "Goodness gracious, what are you doing up?!" I told her I thought I was sick. She crouched down and felt my forehead. I didn't have a fever. She thought I was faking it. She thought if I was really sick I wouldn't be up and playing (although I would like to stress that what I was doing was NOT playing. I just had my hands resting on my toys. I couldn't move. If I did, the whole room lurched!) So she told me to get up and get dressed for school. And she got up and went back to make sure the others were getting up and dressed. I still couldn't stand up. The room wasn't spinning anymore, but I was very weak and still somewhat in an altered state. I was so hot in front of that heater, but I couldn't move to get away from it. So I just continued to sit there with my hands on my toys, trying to get back to normal. I just tried focusing on them, how they felt in my hands, trying to make the room be still, assuring myself that those were my hands. A little bit later my mother came in with my clothes and scolded me for not getting dressed, "You are not getting out of school today!" And dumped my clothes and shoes in front of me and told me to get dressed. I tried to get dressed. I think I got my shirt on. But when my mother came back to check on me, I was trying to put on my shoes without putting on my pants first. She got really mad at me and thought I was stalling and doing things wrong on purpose because I didn't want to go to school. I remember her jerking me around and getting me dressed. That movement seemed to help me find my bearings again, and I was more lucid and able to stand.
By the time the bus came, I was pretty close to normal. I remember vividly sitting close to the front of the bus and thinking how strange it was that the world was so normal after what I had just gone through, and that I must pretend to be normal until I fell back into my "part". It's hard to explain, but it felt like my everyday self was a part I had to play. I was an actor but the type of actor that played their part so well that I could forget my real self and become the character I played. On the bus, it felt like I was truly awake and knew I was an actor, and that I must get back into character, forget everything, and saturate myself in my role again. I could feel my real self slipping away as I sank back into my 6 year old character. Not too far into the bus route, I was back to "normal" and the events of the night were fading like a dream.
My mother still remembers that morning. She still thinks I was faking it and trying to avoid school. I still haven't told her about what I experienced that night, and that I wasn't faking it, and that I was trying so hard to come back to the comfort of reality. I remember my sister looking at me with concern when we got on the bus. I was away from mommy and obviously not getting out of school since I was on the bus, the point of no return, so I should have gone back to normal if I was faking it. She could tell I wasn't faking. Even though she was passed out during the event, I think subconsciously she knew something had happened. She could tell I was different. My sister knows more on a deeper level than she knows consciously if that makes any sense. There's still a lot about that night I don't remember. I think it was an important night. Something really big happened. I remember the beginning and the end. I really wish I knew what happened in the middle.
If anyone else has had a similar experience, especially with the smell and illness, I'd love to hear it. I'd like to understand better what kind of procedure I was put through.